This year at Uni I’ve been doing a creative writing module as part of my English and Drama course. Last week, we had to pick a mythical character, and one of any random items that people had bought in that day. Then, we had to write some stuff based on what we had picked. Below are my results, typed up for all to enjoy.
The Amazing(ly Mundane) Adventures of Thor!
Thor slammed the table in anger, reducing it to plywood and splinters in the blink of an eye, to the shock of those around him.
“We’re sorry Thor, we just didn’t think it was that big a deal!”
“HOW DARE YOU?!” Thor boomed, before mumbling “Someone could have at least asked…”
“Thor, I just don’t see why we can’t just put a bowl out, to be honest.”
“ARE YOU MAD?! And just let all the other birds get to the food freely?! Their mortal bodies require sustenance!”
“I just think that if you really cared, you’d have bought them something bigger than a mini-feeder. And how many hummingbirds do you see around here anyway?”
Thor paused in thought, then stomped on the broken remains of the table for emphasis before storming out of the room in a huff, slamming the door off of its hinges. He didn’t want to admit defeat, but his remarkably patient girlfriend had a point. Still, he’d paid good money for that mini hummingbird feeder, and he wasn’t going to let his first purchase on this mortal Earth go to waste! Steeping out into the fresh air, Thor set out to find the bird feeder…
…and was immediately hit by a garbage truck.
Thor cursed his inability to look both ways before crossing as he hit a nearby lamppost head-first, ripping it off of its foundations and sending it crashing into the ground below. Making his way back onto his feet, Thor saw the twisted, mangled wreckage of the truck and set about dismantling it. Unfortunately, the crash had left him feeling slightly groggy, and he accidentally slipped into the back of the truck. Pulling off the discarded banana peels and household rubbish, Thor realised that he may have met his match. Besides, this truck had come from the other side of town! Thor readied himself and set out for the dump, where his latest epic task awaited.
Intermission: Thor and the Letter to the Council.
To whom it may concern,
THOR IS DISPLEASED!
Thor has been living inside his giant Babushka doll since he arrived on this planet of mortals, and now you wish to banish him from his new home?! Thor thinks you would be much more hesitant to evict Thor if you knew who his father was. This mortal form requires residence!
Does your council of weaklings not know who I am? Thor thinks you must, and that this must be a practical joke. Rest assured, if you or your puny council wish to part Thor from his Babushka home, they best be prepared to meet Mjolnir!
Lots of love,
Thor, God of Thunder, Marvel Character,
And now back to our feature presentation!
After a half hour of frantic searching, Thor still couldn’t find a sign of his feeder… but he did find a perfectly fine sofa that someone had carelessly thrown out that would look great in his living room! Resolving to come back for it another time, he continued his valiant quest with haste. Striding past the mounds of long-forgotten waste, Thor knew that it was only a matter of time before he found what he was looking for, and then he could return home triumphant, able to feed hummingbirds once more. He contemplated the glorious scenario in his head, once again that day neglecting to look where he was going, causing him to walk straight into the trash compactor. As he realised what he had done, the machine slowly whirred into life and begun it’s slow, inevitable crushing. As the walls begun to close in on him, Thor’s incredibly entertaining and action-packed life flashed before his eyes before his rather anti-climactic death. Truly, only a deus ex machina could save him. At that moment, Thor realised that he was in fact a God, and that he was actually inside a machine. The irony caused him to fly into a potent rage, smashing the compactor to bits seconds before it was to crush him into a cube. Sparks and trash flew everywhere as Thor screamed to the heavens in anger. However, something out of the corner of his eye gave him pause. It may have been slightly damp, but it was the unmistakable sign of his mini hummingbird feeder! And even better, it was still inside the sealed box it came in! Thor blessed his luck, and rejoiced in his victory over the evil denizens of the Sanitation Department as he strolled out of the dump and homeward bound, feeder in hand, the world saved yet again.
There was to be a feast at the Thor residence tonight.