Welcome back, we’ve been expecting you.
We? Welcome back? What’s going o-I’m trapped in another game, aren’t I?
Yup. Looks like you got angry and depressed about junk and tried to choke yourself and touch yourself again.
I kept telling you last time, I didn’t do that!
How did you get here, then?
Well, uhhh… I uhh, that is to say…
Alright, Gaming related choking it is. What’s around you?
Uhh, I’m in an abandoned hotel room with only a vague sense of the plot going on around me, a large variety of random items, and a whole lot of confusion.
Ah, a Point and Click this time. Well, no time to lose, we’ve got a series of puzzles to solve!
Wait, wait wait.
What is it?
How can it be a gaming related choking if it’s a point and click? That’s PC territory if anything, and all my PC stuff is wireless. And I haven’t even been playing Point and Clicks!
Why not? There’s a resurgence of Point and Click lately, what with Telltale Games bringing out a new series of Sam and Max, their new Puzzle Agent, all the other games they’ve done such as Monkey Island, which has also gotten new Special Editions for the first two games, and…
Okay, shut up. No one wants to hear your extended advertisement for TelltaleGames or other games. We get it, you like the games. Was it not enough to trap me here without trying to sell me stuff?
Well, I just thought…
Shut up. Just get me out of here without trying to sell me anything.
Okay, fine. Jerk.
What do I do?
Well, have you tried simply walking out of the door?
Nope, its locked. With three kinds of locks and keys, none of which I have. Whoever locked me in here didn’t want me getting out.
Okay, and out the window?
A really, really long drop. I don’t think I’d survive that.
Well, that depends.
On what, exactly?
On what type of Point and Click.
You’re kidding right?
No, this is actually really important. And there’s only one way to find out. You see that fork, there? I need you to jam that into that light socket.
I’m not even going to begin to tell you why I will never do that.
You’re going to have to trust me, if you ever want to get out of the room.
I’m not going to end up being raped and eaten or something like last time, am I?
No! Haven’t you played Point and Click games? Nothing that horrible happens!
Good, I still haven’t got over the trauma from that.
I don’t think I’ve got over the trauma of your whining.
What? Nevermind. What do I do?
Use + Fork + Light Socket.
Okay, here I BZZZZZTARRRRGHHHHHH!
…Are…Are you alive?
I’m in a lot of pain, but I’m fine. But now the electricity is out in the room. Way to go, jerk.
Well, I guess that’s a…
Don’t do it.
…I hate you.
Well, there’s good news and bad news. The good news is that this is most likely a Lucasarts or a Telltale Game, seeing as you didn’t die. So you can thank those wonderful developers for-
What did I say? Let me guess. The bad news is the power’s out in this room now.
That, and you’re really starting to stink up the joint a bit. Look, I’m not going to rush you or anything, but I’m kind of on a stopwatch here, so if you want to hurry up, that’d be great, thanks.
What do I do now?
Well, what else is in the room?
Well, there’s a bunch of stuff that requires electricity, so that’s right out, but there’s no food. There’s also a bed, and a giant mirror.
Okay, pick up the giant mirror, and put it by the window. I have an idea.
But its all the way across the room, I can’t pick that up!
Okay, just put it in your jeans.
Do you know how many things there are wrong with that idea?
Trust me on this one. Put it in your jeans.
There’s no way this is going to- okay how on earth did that work?
You don’t really know much about these games, do you? You can fit improbably sized objects in your inventory. I just don’t wanna know where you keep it, but keep in mind, you can take out some stupidly large things from there.
No, not your junk.
It stores things, not makes them bigger, shrimpy.
Shrimpy? What are you, how do you-?
That’s not important now. Walk over to the window and put the mirror by there.
Okay, I’ve done that now, and OWOHMYGODTHATHURTS
Taking that mirror out was improbably painful.
You probably get used to it. Where were you even hiding that thing in there?
That’s none of your damn business.
Oh, look, a bird’s come onto the windowsill, just as I thought!
How on earth could you have known that?
Birds like shiny things. A mirror is a shiny thing. Ergo, it’d attract birds.
That’s kind of illogical and a bit contrived a puzzle.
You really don’t know anything about this genre of games, do you?
I will admit as much. But then I didn’t know much about platformers last time, so I guess that’s at least on par for the course.
Precisely. Now, you see that phone and your wallet? The only other things in your inventory? Take them out.
I get the feeling this is going to end badly.
What gives you that idea?
Well, firstly, the idea that birds like shiny things mean that the game will decide that the logic is that the bird will take my wallet and phone, leaving me without anything. Secondly, while I’ve been talking, that exact thing has happened. So the power’s out, there’s nothing that can help me escape, and that bird stole my wallet and my phone, which in retrospect, I really should have called someone to help with. So what do we do now?
I don’t care.
Okay, so with that we’ll… you don’t care?
Well, I’d love to help you further, but my time is up.
Yeah, I’m bored of this now. I’m gonna go play something else.
Well, what do I do?
You can’t really do anything. You’re stuck in an abandoned hotel room with no real method of escape, no power, and nothing that can help you out.
Couldn’t I just jump out the window and survive in a contrived circumstance?
Not really, just because you survived the massive electric shock doesn’t mean you’ll survive an impossibly high jump. I wouldn’t risk it, to be honest. And besides, the game won’t let you to avoid such a death-causing scenario. So you’re pretty much stuck in this room with no way of escape, no power, and you probably can’t die. So you’re stuck here forever.
Can’t you check a walkthrough or something?
What, and be a cheater? I may not have any idea what to do, but that’s life when it comes to Point and Clicks. If you’re not entirely aware of their mechanics and methods, you tend to give up. Even if you’re a master like me, you can still mess up and get stuck on puzzles, and it’s entirely possible to put you in a no-win scenario like I have. I’d rather not stoop to looking up the answers, to be honest. Beside, this ending’s funnier.
Funnier for who?
But this isn’t funny! I’m stuck here for possibly forever! This is just horrifically cruel more than anything, especially because you’re just leaving me here trapped forever all by myself.
Well, if you insist…
What… what… is that?
Yup, that’s the Overly Cute and Cartoony, but Probably Extremely Dangerous Animal (OCCPEDA) from the last time. And this time, he bought a friend.
You, can’t do this to me, it’s just going to do the same thing as last time!
This is truly the cruellest ending of them all. Well, that’ll teach you for not letting me go on an extended advertisement for TelltaleGames and point and clicks, won’t it?
This isn’t even an ironic punishment!
Well, thanks for reading, everyone! Don’t forget-
Who are you talking to?
…Don’t forget to keep all the lessons from this in mind when you-
What lessons? You just put me in a deliberate no win scenario and then attempted to reuse the same ending as last time but with the twist that there’s two of them this time!
Okay, screw you, guy. I’m going home.
No, wait, I take it back! No, no! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!