Detective Ed Special: The Night Before Socksmas

At Life’s a Game, we’re not ones to shy away from celebrating obscure holidays for our own benefit or to make relatively humourous things for people to read on the internet. To that effect, Gamingtimes Day was invented as an alternative to Valentines Day recently, and now we’re here to celebrate another holiday. This holiday was created by Socks Mahoney of, and after all the help both he and his DJ Master Amerika persona provided for my Life’s A Game Radio Show, this is my way of both returning the favour, and celebrating Socksmas. What is Socksmas, you say? Well, why not let this handy link explain it all for you?
Too lazy to click a link? Of course you are! I’ll just steal a couple of lines from it to explain, but for the whole thing, check out that link.

Socksmas is […] a buffer between each Christmas, taking place on the conveniently placed date of June 25th. The initial goal is for parents/relatives/friends/coworkers to give socks that they would originally give during Christmas to their receivers in advance, to make room for much better gifts on Christmas.

Sounds like a totally awesome holiday, right? That’s because it is! In fact, the Facebook Group is right below, so that you can celebrate it and spread the love to everyone!
Click here for the Socksmas Facebook Book.

So, to commemorate the occasion, Life’s A Game is going to spread the good cheer of Socksmas with the requested return of Detective Ed and his sidekick Curlyfries. I’m just as surprised as you are that people requested another instalment of anything I’ve written, either. But let’s put that aside, and celebrate this awesome holiday, and remember that this may not be the only Holiday special Life’s A Game will do…

You’ll love our future Kw/Quanza special!

So without further ado, here is Life’s A Game’s contribution to that most rad of holidays, Socksmas. A poem heavily adapted and based off a Christmas classic. It may be obvious, but its worth mentioning the images and captions to them are not part of it, just extra additional jokes for you :)
And in a further surprise to you all, thanks to Jan Klama, we have a special optional downloadable version available at the end of this post, so you can keep the whole poem as an image, with all the fancy text and stuff. A massive, massive thanks to him for his hard work for it, and I hope you all enjoy and appreciate it as much as I do.

Ladies and gentlemen, enjoy the Detective Ed Special, and remember, Detective Ed will be back soon in Detective Ed 2: Electric Boogaloo!

T’was the night before Socksmas, and all through the house,
Not one bro was stirring, not even bro Mouse.
The socks were laid out by all beds with care,
In hopes that St Socksmas soon would be there.

Master Amerika was snuggled in bed,
While blunts and boobs bounced round in his head.
Lewis in ‘kerchief, and Ed in a cap,
Had just settled their brains for a long winter’s nap.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
They sprang from the bed to see whats the matter.
Away through the window Ed jumped like a flash,
Lewis just sighed when he heard the pane smash.

(This is pretty much what Ed imagines everytime he jumps out of a window, apart from “Holy shit, how awesome is jumping out of a window!?” and then the inevitable pain from the aftermath of, you know, jumping out of a window)

The moon on the bonce of Ed’s fallen head,
Showed the blood around, filled Lewis with dread.
When to Ed’s wondering eyes should appear,
With a hella sweet ride, some blunts and a beer.

With Zack Ryder driving and wooing way lots,
Ed knew in a moment it must be St Socks!
Lewis saw nothing, called for medical help,
“I can’t take this shit” you could hear him yelp.

“Oh hey Ed, what the hell do you want?” Said St Socks
“I just wanted to tell you that Socksmas, it rocks!”
“Pfft, whatever dude, I knew that shit from the start,
Get out of my way, I have socks to depart!”

St Socks stumbled by with his merry quirks,
Pushed Ed aside shouting “Move it, you jerks!
How else do I give you all of these sock pairs,
So that your Christmas isn’t filled with despair?”

And then, in a twinkling, Ed heard him inside,
but took the time to check out his sweet ride.
It was really brotastic, it was hella tight,
But Ed couldn’t help but notice it was totally white.

St Socks dressed in footwear, from head to his foot,
Started carrying bags out to the Socksmobile Boot.
A bundle of stuff he had flung on his back,
“Looks like a long night for us, the Zack Pack”

(Woo Woo Woo’ing. Obligatory for those in the ‘Zack Pack’.)

His eyes-they were red! His hair was so hairy!
A blunt in his mouth, a bit surly and lairy.
“Stop checking me out, you look like a queer,
Zack Ryder, stop wooing and pass me a beer!”

“Looks like we’ve got all we need, pay attention you jerk!
Socksmas is a’coming, so let’s get back to work!
Socksmas comes to all who believe it!
Lets go Ryder! Hurry up! Come on, Cheese it!”

(The Time Travelling Pimpmobile from Austin Powers. How else is St Socksmas gonna deliver all those socks in time?)

Lewis came back to Ed on the ground,
“You’ve lost a lot of blood, look, it’s all around”
“But what of St Socks, what of today?”
Said Ed as the Socksmobile went ryding away.

“That guy, he’s given us socks, but robbed the place dry!”
“That’s how St Socks works, no need to ask why”
“He stole all our stuff, left us nothing but socks…”
“And that, my good friend, is why Socksmas rocks cocks!”

2 thoughts on “Detective Ed Special: The Night Before Socksmas

    • The problem I have with Wintereenmas is twofold
      Firstly, I cannot stand CAD, nor its creator. Sure, CAD had its moments, but I always feel like Buckley is a massive case of small name, big ego. So I kind of don’t want to support something created by someone I cannot stand.
      The second is more me pretending that Gamingtimes Day is a warring holiday, despite it only being a day, and already in war with Valentines day.

      However, I really, really like the idea of Wintereenmas, so I won’t rule out a Detective Ed special then, if I’m still using the character/story.

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