How To Make The Spiderman Reboot Awesome

Recently, the Spiderman franchise was revealed to be undergoing a “Gritty reboot”, because Sam Raimi had walked out on the series after deciding he couldn’t deliver the movie by its expected date (May 2011) and keep the vision he intended for it. A vision that included the Lizard, the Vulture, and the Vulturess.

Okay, with the Vulture and Vulturess played by John Malcovich and Anne Hathaway, which suddenly makes the idea way more awesome than it should be.

Apparently, the tipping point was the fact the studio wanted him to film it in 3D, the greatest and newest innovation since the last time it was used. This would have taken Raimi up to 6 more months to make the film, and means it’d either not make the deadline, or make the film terrible and a waste of Anne Hathaway in spandex.


As a result, Raimi walked out, and the company decided to give the franchise a gritty reboot for a summer 2012 release instead, meaning that the next Spiderman will (apparently) not feature Tobey Maguire as a 35 year old man playing a teenager, Kirsten Dunst, James Franco (who died in Spiderman 3, anyway), or Anne Hathaway as the sexy femme fatale in a tight costume.

Seriously? What?

However, this gritty reboot is not all bad, and in fact, this could make the Spiderman 4 I’ve been wanting them to make since Spiderman 3 ruined Venom and made Sandman the main villain who isn’t actually a villain but he killed Spiderman’s uncle in that pointless retcon and then Venom was only in it for 20 minutes and played by Topher Grace and then Harry died because he had to make a dangerous sacrifice after having amnesia most of the movie and…

Hey, mind if I go ahead and ruin one of the best Spiderman villains ever? DON’T MIND IF I DO!

Now, I have only two steps to make this the best Spiderman Movie yet, and they are the following:
Step 1: Make Christopher Nolan direct it. (And the people who wrote Dark Knight)
Step 2: Make Mysterio the main (and preferably only) villain.

Now, you may ask why, and I’m fully prepared for that. The reason for those are both simple, and directly interconnect. Christopher Nolan revitalised the Batman Franchise with Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, and the gritty style he applied to those films will help improve the Spiderman films massively. One of the best ways he can apply that style is by tapping in to the potential of Mysterio.

Did somebody call the hilarious rejected astronaut costume squad?

Depending on the storylines you follow in the Spiderman mythos (I’m going to take the one from the old Spiderman cartoons in the late 90’s/early ’00s, seeing as that’s how I even know anything about Spiderman), Mysterio is a man named Quentin Beck, a special effects wizard working for a major Hollywood Studio. He then becomes a villain when he gets bored of his job/Spiderman’s fight with a villain destroys the studio he’s filming in and causes him to go bankrupt/a combination of those factors, and decides to battle against Spiderman, using his special effects (which in the cartoon, would be activated by using tiny cubes, for some reason). Now, that may sound kind of a snooze-fest, but the potential here is never-ending. I’m reminded of a sequence in the cartoons where Mysterio makes Spiderman also drown in quicksand that was never there. To put that in perspective: Mysterio almost killed Spiderman with an illusion. Spiderman almost died from nothing. Mysterio is such an amazing illusionist and special effects expert, that he can manipulate even the strongest of people with his effects, gas, and the tricks he has up his sleeves. In fact, that almost sounds like a certain villain who turned the whole of Gotham batshit-insane using nothing but mind altering gas. A certain villain called the Scarecrow, in a certain film called Batman Begins, directed by a man known as Christopher Nolan.

He manages to somehow look sillier than Mysterio, but this man almost destroyed a whole city with a bag over his head. What have you done, lately?

Christopher Nolan has already shown he can do a gritty reboot, showing how Bruce Wayne became the Batman with a lot of kung fu training and gravel eating lessons, and with the Scarecrow, he managed to make a slightly-effeminate man with a bag over his head a legitimately freaky villain, it bears repeating, almost took down Gotham city, until he was defeated by a man who has no powers, just a lot of money and gadgets.

Now imagine what he could do with Mysterio, a man who uses illusions to a devastating effect, and Peter Parker’s transformation from normal teen to the Spiderman (if indeed, that’s going to be shown, I’m not entirely sure what’s going to happen there). Now, imagine the possibilities of those crazy illusions, but in that crazy 3D thing they’ll be forced to film it in. Imagine a film where the villain not only plays tricks on the hero, but on those watching the movie, on you. In 3D.

It could be to film what Eternal Darkness was for gamers – A Legitimate Mind Rape. Note to self, that’d make a great band name.

Now, this plan would never happen, and if it did, I’d claim they read this blog, sue them, and force them to pay me with profits from the film or something, so I’d never have to work. But even I didn’t sue them (because I’ll be happy enough someone’s using my ideas to good effect, also, I can then claim I called it all along), or they took some of these ideas to heart, they’d probably still find a way to mess it up, or Christopher Nolan wouldn’t want to do it (it doesn’t have to be Nolan, but he’s a very important metaphor in this), or something will happen to prevent it. But you have to agree, it’d be one amazing experience to be a part of, wouldn’t it?

So in conclusion, despite Spiderman being rebooted in that gritty style everything has to be nowadays, the reboot could result in one of the best Superhero Films yet made. And that’s all in a Two-Step Plan:

1. Get Christopher Nolan to Direct (Or an equivalent director, with the writing staff from Dark Knight, or equivalent).
2. Have Mysterio as the Main/Only Villain.
3. Anne Hathaway in a tight spandex costume. Or naked.

Look, I’ll settle for a photoshop.

<3 Edward

10 thoughts on “How To Make The Spiderman Reboot Awesome

  1. Thank god for illustrations

    If only the climax of all things was as good as the ending here ;)

    And now, we have the answer to make spiderman awesome again

    I leave my thanks to you, Ed
    I leave my thanks to you

    Love and Peace

  2. Pingback: How To Make The Spiderman Reboot Awesome « Life's A Game | Spiderman 4 | Wallpapers | Comics | Photos | Pictures | DVD Movie | Trailer | Clips | Icons | Games | PSP | Xbox

  3. Dear Edward,
    I much appreciate your fanaticism for my work, and am more than greatful for my reference in your blog.
    But if I ever see you again I’m going to saw your mother in half with a loaf of bread.
    For real.
    Yours, Mysterio.


    See ya mate. x

    • Dear Mysterio

      Whatever you do, don’t use your illusions on me.
      Guns and Roses are a terrible band and I’d hate for you to listen to them.

      Also, I’ll squeeze as much as you want ;)

    • Pfft, Spiderman is a way better hero than Batman.
      Though, it all comes down to personal preference: I prefer Spiderman, but I think Batman had the better film with Dark Knight.

      Nolan’d never do it though, sadly, so this still all remains a hypothetical discussion =[

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